Mad Season

April 1, 2012

Scribbling

I’m sorry. Let’s just get that out, right up front. I hereby formally apologize for anything I may say or do, now or in the near future.

It’s April. And it’s my Mad Season.

It starts with today, naturally. April Fools’ Day. My birthday. Really.

Fitting, isn’t it? Sharpen’s the picture somewhat, yes? You think I talk about being a Heyoka because it sounds cool? It’s my birthright. And as with almost all ‘professional’ jesters, deep down, it’s no laughing matter. We are Spawn of a different sort. A necessary random factor in the Matrix.

Birthdays just sort of feel weird now, at 48. A snap awake out of another yearlong dream I’ve managed to bumble my way through. An inventory of treasured assets in my life that I can’t seem to account for with my apparent earning capacity: a beautiful (inside and out) best friend/wife who I honestly fall more in love with as time goes on; an incredible son that I’m so proud of it hurts sometimes; a loving, supportive family and a few friends who hang on loosely and don’t let go. I’m amazed and grateful, but also a bit overwhelmed by something somewhere between “frittered away another one” and “hope I didn’t do too much damage”.

April’s a month of doors opening and doors closing. My father died, cancer, in mid-April eight years ago. Wow. Eight years… I miss him. I miss just knowing he was there. My Mom is doing well, thanks for asking. I haven’t written much about my Mom yet. I’ve been waiting to learn to write well enough to do that justice.

There have been Aprils that have been more dark passages than definitive doors. Lonely journeys through thick underbrush with foreign creatures made more threatening by imagination. Imagination formed by the sounds from out there in the periphery. I like it better where the woods are thicker.

I wonder if April is a bit of a psychic lightening rod for me? Or one end of the magnetic axis, perhaps. As I consider it, October does seem to fit the pattern at the other end of the pole. Hmmm…

The point is, if there is one: I’m in my Mad Season. I may become a bit more sensitive and exposed than usual (which can be baffling enough, I know). It is a blessing and a curse.

In the short term, as I flail around inside the dark cocoon, I may make you cringe or offend your sensibilities (more than usual). I ask you to please be patient. It is nothing personal against you. Please consider it an occupational hazard of mine.

In the long term, I hope to keep emerging a little bit wiser and a little bit crazier. User interaction may vary…

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17 Comments on “Mad Season”

  1. Sky11 Says:

    Such a smooth flow while describing your “Mad Season”. Perhaps there will be a lot of wonderful doors opening for you. You’ve already found a few full of light right here.

    Reply

  2. nrhatch Says:

    I love the way you write.
    And think.

    And sum up another notch on the timeline of your life:

    Birthdays just sort of feel weird now, at 48. A snap awake out of another yearlong dream I’ve managed to bumble my way through. An inventory of treasured assets in my life that I can’t seem to account for with my apparent earning capacity: a beautiful (inside and out) best friend/wife who I honestly fall more in love with as time goes on; an incredible son that I’m so proud of it hurts sometimes; a loving, supportive family and a few friends who hang on loosely and don’t let go. I’m amazed and grateful, but also a bit overwhelmed by something somewhere between “frittered away another one” and “hope I didn’t do too much damage”.

    Yes. That’s exactly it.

    Happy Birthday. Don’t do too much damage.

    Reply

  3. Cameron Says:

    Happy birthday! April’s my month, too!

    And this year, mine will fall on Friday the 13th. Madness, indeed, if you subscribe to that sort of thing.

    I like your take: “In the short term, as I flail around inside the dark cocoon, I may make you cringe or offend your sensibilities (more than usual). I ask you to please be patient. It is nothing personal against you. Please consider it an occupational hazard of mine.”

    Reply

    • Brett Myers Says:

      Thanks, Cameron. A fellow Aries! Perhaps we can butt heads at some point! 🙂

      Early Happy Birthday to you, although I’m sure I’ll talk to you before then.

      You know this Friday the 13th is at the half-moon, too. If you happen to know any Wic…uh…never mind… 😀

      Reply

  4. kateshrewsday Says:

    My birthday: April 5 😀

    Does strange things to one. Take your time..thanks for slipping this under the doormat…

    Reply

  5. 68ghia Says:

    Happy belated b day Brett.
    For the past 11 years, April 1 has been a day of celebration – the day I moved into my own house 11years ago.
    For the past 2 however, it’s marked a significant downsizing in my circumstances – so much so that I feel I should avoid the month of April as far as possible!!
    Have fun with your mad season – you deserve it 😉
    Mind you, we all deserve at least some mad time!!

    Reply

    • Brett Myers Says:

      I hear ya. Peaks and valleys, which I will take over a flat line most days.

      Speaking of flat line, good luck with the gov’t offices this week. :-/

      Thanks for the birthday shout out! 🙂

      Reply

  6. Eden Says:

    The world is mad already… anything else is just redundant. But since you’re already here, don’t forget to take your share. 😉

    What is it about holiday birthdays? Granted mine is (happily) long past for now, but the world seems to go a different type of mad for each holiday it celebrates. And since so many more holidays seem to be celebrated each year… Days for muffins, weeks for literacy, months for genders and races… and not one for the human race, which we all seem to relaxing against a tree waiting for the tortoises of the world to meander past us toward the finish-line…

    Enjoy the madness, Brett. You never know when a depressing stroke of sanity my come strike you and ruin the whole thing.

    Reply

  7. WordsFallFromMyEyes Says:

    I loved this. I relate. I’m near your age. …

    But April Fool’s Day – that’s sort of not fair! Very entertaining read 🙂 Keep your chin up because you’re bumbling just fine, by the looks. (love your last line)

    Reply

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