Blue…

September 22, 2012

Scribbling

blue rays

Blue. I know her well. No, she knows me well. She has been with me from the beginning. She has loved me from the start.

She taught me to feel. How the taste is so bittersweet. I did not know she was Blue then. She was just pervasively there. There was no distinction to be made. Yang was yet to come.

As I grew, I did not understand her so well. Which would have been fine, but so many others didn’t seem to know her at all. They seemed blissfully unaware. For a time I wanted to know that feeling. I wanted to run from her and melt into the others. Be accepted. Be adored, even.

But Blue loved me too much for that.

And she can be patient…

She wrapped me in blankets, safe and warm, slightly suffocating. She kept me apart from the rest, perhaps just wanting company. Someone warming the seat next to her, watching the show.

As with any long term relationship, we had our ups and downs. I would need to show my independence, careening off to adopt some persona or another that might make me more like the others. Or better yet, calculatingly counter-culture to show how I embraced my outlier status. So there, assholes.

Yet Blue was there. Content to wait in the wings, lurk in the shadows, keep a watchful eye on the progeny with potential. Feeling her persistent presence only drove me further in desperation. Running down twisted paths at reckless speeds. (Have I lost her yet?)

Eventually I realized how much I needed her, too. She was the one always pointing past the superficial. She was the one being the most honest. Sure, she had a particular take on the whole…thing, but it was pure. If I could handle the overwhelming emotion, I had such a beautiful point from which to pivot.

So return I did. Again, and again. And she would wrap me in her arms and whisper to me how I did not need them. I did not need their approval. She would always be there for me, encouraging me to be her proxy; express her to the others through song, or verse, or whatever offered the shortest route to heart and soul, to feelings. Not really a deal with the devil, just a deal with my own personal demon.

I did what I could. She may have wrapped me up a little too much, prior. It was often hard to get anything out through the layers that tended to remain. I think she knew my true intentions, though. She gave back what she had to offer. She inspired desire to open many doors in trying to understand it all. She emboldened me to intuitively find my own way.

Here’s the best part, the closest thing there is to the big payoff:

When she thought the time was right, when her fruit had finally ripened, she brought in another of her progeny. I knew her instantly when I really looked into her eyes. That Blue. The most beautiful Blue I had ever seen…

*******

Written in response to the weekend theme from Viewfromtheside’s Blog. This week the theme is BLUE

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19 Comments on “Blue…”

  1. elspethc Says:

    That photo is just glorious. Then the thoughts – nice post

    Reply

  2. SidevieW Says:

    No one completely ‘fits in’ and to have a consistent personal viewpoint that offers beauty is fortunate

    Personally I think there is way too much emphasis on everyone being the same.

    Reply

  3. 68ghia Says:

    Blue seems to be a mate for most of us at one time or the other…

    Reply

  4. The Passion Dew Says:

    Beautiful blue colour, provide comfort 😛

    Reply

  5. Cameron Says:

    Sideview always manages to draw out something lovely…

    Reply

  6. bexgonegeek Says:

    Have you read On Being Blue by Wiiliam H Gass?

    Reply

  7. vkperry Says:

    Beautiful Brett ~ just beautifuly written!!!

    Reply

  8. Angela Ryan Says:

    This is beautifully written and phrased. As I suffer from bipolar disorder and often write about it in my blog, your description of “Blue” often resembled my relationship with manic depression, who I personify as a female as well. This was simply, simply stunning! Good work!

    Reply

    • Brett Myers Says:

      Hi, Angela. Thanks. I have never been officially diagnosed with anything, but I know I’m not “normal”, whatever that is. My son has Asperger’s (a term that is apparently going away), and after seeing the criteria used to make that judgement I would imagine I am on that spectrum, as well. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I hope you come back… ¦-)

      Reply

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